i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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