census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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