Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Say something about gay babies.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
