I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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