I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i wish my penis had a tongue
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
