Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
