Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
