Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
