Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
