I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
