i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
