the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
