we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Someone came in the potted fern
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
