that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
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