He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
