Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
