i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
