I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
