I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
