i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
