I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
