If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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