Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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