There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
