Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Help. Why am I so naked?
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