I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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