Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
When are your genitals available?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
