I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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