I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
