Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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