ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Say something about gay babies.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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