this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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