your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
