found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
two words: eviction party
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
