last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
