Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
