margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
