You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
