I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
