ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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