i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
