don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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