The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I have post one night stand depression
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