Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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