So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Someone shattered a urinal.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
