Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
