just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
