Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
