Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
