Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
