Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
