I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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